Don't really have much to say...but its such a nice day. And here in Vegas we don't have much of anything nice. Usually the air is heavy and so hot that it burns when you breath. But today the air is fresh and moist and so cool. I think its making me happy........

here I am. Trying to get some drunken words out of my mind. And I simply cant do it. I feel very loved at the moment. Spending some time with the most wonderfulest person (jewel my best friend). And having someone waiting for me to come home... Drinking one of my favoritest beers and smoking a cigarette, while trying to quit. Life is wonderful.

Falling in love all over again. With some one from my past. I never thought that would happen again. Totally unexpected. Im not afraid. Im not unwilling. I love it. And i hope it only get better. For the first time in almost 3 years Im happy. I didnt think that would be possible again. It has opened me up. I feel again. I think that actual act of making love has made me a person again. No more drunken mistakes, no more "lonliness"...the feeling of human touch from the opposite sex...is unexplainable. Just a simple kiss and feeling the love in that is pure bliss..... I know that the people I know on here dont really care...but I think that I should share my happiness with my small world.

All in all these are my drunken thoughts...they are like'...a horse fly and needed to be swatted with the fly swatter...."
laughing out loud

life is wonderful,Be happy in everything you do. You may have regrets and mistakes...but these things make us human....

Im sitting outside smoking my cheap cigarettes and thinking how did I get where I am? I think its crazy how your lifes events shape you to the person you have become. As a kid you dont think about such things. Then one day your looking in the mirror and you notice your not a kid anymore? Where did those days go? As a kid you know bad things happen and you dont know why. But when you start noticing that your all grown up and you think back on those past events and finally understand why. Yesterday some of my sadness finally caught up to me. I had been surpressing it and tryin to hide....ya right....a smile just doesnt cut it anymore......it sucks....
And here I am on DA...trying to explain my random thoughts...but no one is gonna read it and nobody really cares.....its kind of funny I can only LOL to myself.......whatever

For some reason I feel empty all of sudden. I almost feel guilty.
I thought I had found some happiness. But I still feel unsatisfied.
It seems like I can never find a happy medium. Im extremely happy then secretly sad. A person I see everyday doesnt really know how I feel and he never will. I dont want to break his heart. I already did once. Im not sure what to think. I have become very selfish in the last two years. Its not fair to anyone but I continue to do so......
I feel so strange. I can feel the guilt in my stomach like a heavy brick dragging me down. Cant really talk about to anyone I know either. Because I always get the same response. Im also afraid of getting judged.
Oh well, Im just go with the flow and see where my emotions take me.
I just hope that they lead me in the right direction without getting lost.

Here I am alone...
Listening to PVD and drinking a beer. No thoughts at the moment on anything important. Missed dA I guess.